meet me or not, i'm out of control
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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