y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
