god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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