I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
