It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
