I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
