brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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