I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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