She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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