I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
