I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
