I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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