why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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