I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
