I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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