he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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