I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
