I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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