Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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