I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
