i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
