Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
