This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
