Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
