its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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