My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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