i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
