I cut my penus on the lid.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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