Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
