I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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