You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
