Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
