My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
