Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize