The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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