It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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