I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
