It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
