Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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