I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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