i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
