I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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