I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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