I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
