Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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