she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
