For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
