i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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