So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
