The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
