she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
