Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
