Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i don't like sucking hair
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
