i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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