Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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