Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize