i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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