Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
