Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
