Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
