you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
